#68: AMOR FATI
How a Stoic concept helped me turn my life around
Hey friends,
Welcome to the 68th edition of the “Level Up Ladder” newsletter.
Before I get into this topic, I have some news for you.
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This week, as some of you already know, I had a very successful post on LinkedIn. Romanian swimmer David Popovici won the gold medal at the Olympics and only wrote “Amor Fati” in his Facebook post after the race.
As I thought not many people were familiar with the expression, I explained the meaning in the post.
What I did not say in the post was my story regarding Amor Fati. Here it goes (it’s a bit long, I warn you).
I don’t know if I ever shared this before. It’s a very personal story about a difficult time in my life.
It was March 2020, or was it the end of February? I don’t remember it clearly, though I do remember very clearly when we got an email from the country leader telling us we all had to go home.
COVID.
We thought we would be back at work in a week, at most.
It wasn’t like that.
Working for a services company, our business was quite affected by the lockdown. For the first time ever, I had to tell people they would be let go. During the pandemic. With very few opportunities in sight.
This affected me too, but I didn’t have any options.
On a personal level, I was living with my then-fiancee, to whom I had proposed a couple of months before.
We broke up. But because it was a lockdown, we had to live together in the same house for 3 months more.
It was the most awkward, hurtful, and embarrassing situation I had ever been in.
Anyway, the lockdown passed and I moved out. Things were looking up. I started seeing friends and meeting people.
On the last day of August, I got a phone call from one of my best friends:
“I’ll drive you to Braila (my hometown); your dad is very sick.”
I found out halfway there that my dad had already died from a heart attack in my mom’s arms.
I pulled it together to help with the burial and comfort my mom, who was obviously devastated.
Then I went on with my life, I met a lovely girl, who would later become my wife. I was going to therapy but I was still keeping my emotions buried somewhere.
Until, one month later, I got COVID.
I don’t know if you remember or not, but during those early stages, you had to stay inside for 2 weeks.
After a few days of isolation, I broke down.
It was the first time in many months that I got the time and space to go through all I was feeling. I remember it like yesterday: I was on the kitchen floor, talking to my mom. We were both crying.
It was the lowest I had ever felt.
It was all coming back. Everything from the past year.
The anxiety, the loss of confidence, the pain.
The thought of never seeing my father again.
I was all alone, far away from my family and my friends and feeling like no one could save me.
I had to save me.
I don’t remember where or when I heard about Stoicism. It was in the past few weeks, for sure.
As I had time, I started reading more about their philosophy.
I read “The Obstacle is the Way” by Ryan Holiday, which is a great introduction to the principles. Then I went on rabbit holes on specific Stoic topics.
But what amazed me was how the Stoics view life and their resilience.
"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."
Marcus Aurelius
or
"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."
Epictetus
In a nutshell, the Stoics taught me that a lot, if not most, of the things that happen to us are not within our control. So, it doesn’t make any sense to trouble ourselves with it.
Could I have done anything to stop COVID from happening?
Could I have saved my father?
Not being in control can be a scary thought. But it can also be a freeing one.
And this is how I felt when I found “Amor Fati”. This is a Stoic concept that was made popular by Nietzsche. It goes beyond acceptance of one’s fate. It tells you to love it.
A hundred years later, one of my favorite authors, Nassim Nicholas Taleb, coined the term "antifragility." It means systems that gain from disorder, stress, or volatility. These systems, including people, can become stronger through adversity.
In essence, “amor fati” can be seen as a philosophical precursor or complement to the more modern, systems-oriented concept of antifragility. Both ideas encourage us to not just accept but potentially benefit from life's challenges and uncertainties.
I loved the concept, and to make sure I remembered it forever, I went and got a tattoo with it.
Does this mean I am no longer affected by the bad things that happen to me? Of course not. It just means that whatever happens happens, this is my life, and I cannot change the past.
You need to see the good, learn the lessons and move on.
Love your life, whatever it throws at you.
Come back to the game.
Stronger than before.
How do you feel about this concept? Join me in the comments.
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This LinkedIn post talks about why engineering interviews only need on question
Thank you for reading, and I hope you’ll join me in the comments section for further discussions!
I hope you have a great weekend!
Leo Alexandru
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